Consumer of judgment.
When you start some nonsensical personal blog you never think about how it could hurt someone you used to love–or still do.
It can make it hard to speak, to draw.
When hurting them hurts you.
That’s never what I wanted.
I just want to keep creating anything until I find some way forward.
To keep running into the fog until I hit something.
To dive into the deep end of a cold pool and go numb.
And I know I have to keep going, or maybe I just want to.
But I hope they’re okay.
When nobody can make you feel better.
And you can’t ignore it long enough to distract yourself.
And there’s no such thing as busy enough to forget about it.
And you just go deaf.
You’re not bored.
You just want to remember you’re alive.
Get higher, board faster.
Turn the music up.
Forget how you got home last night.
Remember falling asleep on the couch so you wouldn’t wake her up.
She hogged the blankets anyway.
But you’ve memorized the hills, and the ride isn’t such a rush anymore.
At least not enough to forget.
Your tolerance goes up, you blow out all your speakers.
There’s no one to hog the blankets.
And you’re not sure if that’s how you want it.
So you’re just left with that ringing in your ear.
But you always wake up one day and realize you feel it again.
You just have to make it until that morning.
When you wake up, and you’re back.
You always come around.
Just hold on.
You’ll come around to save yourself.
It will level out.
Arrogance, how are you. Want to take the wheel for today? You look well rested, and I’m very tired.
I’m not sure if people like you more, or less, or the same. You don’t seem to care though. I always appreciated that about you.
Ready to fly?
Note: Here’s a link to a summarized creation GIF for last weeks ‘Founder’ post.
Image Note: Background Image ‘Twins’ 1988. Script by hand.
This is your captain speaking, we’ll be approaching cruising altitude shortly. When the seat belt lights turn off please feel free to do whatever you’d like to do however the hell you’d like to do it for–god damn–ever. We’ll be arriving at your destination when you’re good and ready.
Enjoy your life and thank you for choosing Cow-Air!