Today I woke up, and read my texts, emails, and messages like usual. The weird part is that I wasn’t awake. The weirder part is that I knew it.
Lately I’ve been waking up only half-way, and reading things that my subconscious is creating without my involvement on my phone. I don’t have to think of the things before I read it, they are already there just like they would be if I was awake. Sometimes it’s a message from family or friends, and sometimes it’s spam mail from an oil change place that doesn’t exist. I’ll just keep reading them like I would a normal message because as far as I’m concerned it’s all new information, even though I know I’m not awake. It’s like some kind of fake internet my mind created. I’ve read entire news stories and marketing pitches in this dream internet, sometimes I even think I learned something new. Who knows maybe I did.
I also tried making some kind of comprehensive life philosophy list today but that didn’t work out..
After learning no Pontiacs would ever be produced ever again, an inconsolable Grand Am went on a drunken rampage, holding up traffic for several hours in northern Boise Wednesday night. He was later taken into custody, where he will receive mental support. This comes after an incident involving a Saab 9-3 last week, in which a bank robbery resulted in 3 deaths. Calls for background checks at fuel pumps have largely remained unanswered by Idaho legislature.
I won’t apologize for being gone, I had good reason. I am sorry though! Let me catch you up with a quick recap of the last 23 years.
Doodled a lot, allegedly grew up.
Possibly lost my sanity at one point?
May have played Gauntlet Dark Legacy in a laundromat.
Pondered meaning of life.
Tried to start a webcomic, will RSVP.
Whoa look at this.
Never learned how to cook at all.
Went to college. Was late for class because I was making a blog post.
Drew a Churro train. Awesome.
Stared at this until I needed glasses. Still staring at it. Oh god i’m staring at it now.
Found employment as a puppy bed.
Experienced pinnacle of human technology.
Made (is making) stuff that looks good (great?).
Any questions? Okay now we’re all caught up then let’s get to it!
I have been whistling, singing, or humming this tune every week for more than a decade. When I was a little tyke I used to sing it to cheer myself up, even had a little stuffed owl. I only saw it one time on TV, among a series of Looney Tunes clips on a warm weekday morning. How it became so embedded in my psyche I may never know. The original animated piece was actually from 1936, and follows a young owl banished from his family for his less traditional singing. It has been remastered and replayed over the years by Warner Brothers. Give it a listen and see if it rings a bell. Still puts a smile on my face.
It’s super doodle montage the sequel! I collect doodles from all my university class notes and put them into one image. No one doodle is enough to live up to my ironic hipster artistic standards, but I think together they make one hell of an interesting mess. Sort of like life..
Anyways! If you want to see the original, it’s right here. (but really why bother. Sequels are always better right?)
My favorite thing about my old sketchbooks is my tendency to write random messages next to pictures. I usually do it because I’m thinking something I want to remember later. The problem is, later, I usually have no idea what I was trying to remember. Maybe someday I’ll piece it all together in some kind of National Treasure clue hunt and write a book about it.
Sitting at a green light hunched over my steering wheel staring at the moon, a car honks and i’m dragged unwillingly back to reality. I don’t know why I’m the weird one, taking a moment to appreciate that beautiful ball of argon who’s been so kind to float in such comforting proximity to my eyeballs all these nights. I mean come on, the guys been pulling tides for a few billion years, lighting up the battlefields of World War 2, helping dinosaurs read books at night, you name it, he’s been there. It’s the same moon my ancestors looked at, and their ancestors, and I just think it deserves a little more respect than a halogen street lamp, that’s all. So go ahead, honk your horn, or get out of your car and stare with me, I hear it’s nice out tonight.
Sometimes you wonder why every word is funny when you add “lettuce” to the end, or why you know how to cross your eyes in but not out. Sometimes you appreciate the moon, or maybe just the hinge on your front door. Sometimes all you need to have a good night is some food to eat and a place to sleep. So for all it’s worth, here’s to sometimes, may you come occasionally.
Pictured: Galactic Cirrus, Courtesy of NASA
So for a while I’ve kept a note pad next to my bed. If I wake up and happen to remember a dream I write down everything I can before I forget. Here are the exact notes I wrote down on August 20th, 2012.
Space fugitive, Samuel L. Jackson hunting me. Power over our bodies. Old house Becomes rocket and takes out the ship. Playing basketball in a building with changing floors. Lost my bike in the house, house was like Stephan’s house, family was there, friends left to go to some video game thing, I call them from the parking garage.
I have awesome dreams.
Hello, you can call me Kevin the Nervous Cow. A carbon based life form occupying some humble quantity of Earth-crust. Why am I nervous? It’s terrifying! Sharing with you, people. Look at you there, I can already hear your web browsers caching away every word, ready to haunt me at a moments notice. Well you know what? Forget it. At some point there was a Dinosaur who said to himself “Hey, I shouldn’t poop here in the open, that’s embarrassing.” and now look at them! Evolved into chickens, served to us for breakfast and whatnot, completely humiliating. So my point is.. what was my point. Oh right, respect chickens.
So uh, it’s nice to meet you. Stick around.