Tag Archives: illustration

I Can Take This

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A cockroach can withstand 900 times it’s own weight in pressure, survive on postage stamp glue, and breathe underwater for 45 minutes. Calling someone a cockroach is a poor insult. I should be so lucky to have something in common with the cockroach.

I hope you all find your inner cockroach. Just–you know–not in your clothes or anything.

 

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Well

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They told me I had to choose between the security and survival of the human race or long warm showers. Hey at least we had a good run. Good thing I don’t have kids!

Image Note: I don’t even like this one.

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Ossify

shieldsI’m not saying I’m the best. I’m not even saying I’m better. I’m just saying with absolute, unbreakable certainty that I am good enough.

That’s a shield that will never break.

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KSHHH

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This is your captain speaking, we’ll be approaching cruising altitude shortly. When the seat belt lights turn off please feel free to do whatever you’d like to do however the hell you’d like to do it for–god damn–ever. We’ll be arriving at your destination when you’re good and ready.

Enjoy your life and thank you for choosing Cow-Air!

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Leap

aladdin1k

I could explain myself, but what a chore. Complicated answers, amateur translator, no winners.

I just don’t have time. There’s so much I want to do, see, make, learn, think. Save your questions for my funeral, there’s no later for me.

I don’t care why the carpet flies, or whether it’s really the safest or most pragmatic option. I’m going now.

Are you on or off?

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GLRGL

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Do you know where your kids are right now?! Probably about to ingest a Marijuana cookie! Panic now! Call everybody! It’s probably too late they’re already dead! Why didn’t they listen!

A moment of silence for everyone we lost to the Marijuana this year…

God protect us from the children and their skateboards–amen.

Happy Fourth of July!
Cow.

 

Image note: it’s animated. If you can’t see it you’re either on mobile or have eye cancer.

 

 

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New! Free Badvice

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Don’t have $413.99 plus tax an hour to spend on a licensed professional counselor? Super Nervous Cow is now offering free personal and professional advice online here! (It’s a link)

Could a well founded, sourced, and educated argument be made that you shouldn’t take advice from me? Yes.
What are my qualifications for advising you, academic or otherwise? Nope.
Will you take advice from me anyways? That’s between you and your psychiatrist or therapist.

It goes without saying that I cannot be held responsible for what you do with the advice you are presented. Some advice may be given in the form of poorly drawn pictures, I also cannot be held responsible for how you interpret those pictures. Keep in mind that If my advice in some sick miraculous irony leads to your success in life, you are required by law to send me an emotionless and pragmatic thank you note with your printed signature.

Image note: it’s animated and doesn’t work in some mobile situations. No pictures in motion for all people in motion. Sorry!

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Hold Steady

whateverhappens960

My convictions are a long and heavy train, ready to change course, and utterly unstoppable in its forward momentum.

Get on the train, I love company. Hook your own train car on the back. Throw things at the train. Yell at the train. Hop in front of the train. It makes no difference to me. There’s plenty of coal and a raging fire.

The dance will continue to the end of the track.

 
Image Note: Inspired by D.A.N.C.E. MSTRKRFT Remix ( Link )

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Cephi The Colossal Cpace Cephalopod

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For Super Sunday, An illustration inspired by the hilarious (and vulgar [I mean it don’t read them {Okay well don’t come crying to me} ] ) writings of my good friend over at Terrrible Stories: Cephi the Majestic Star Eater. Seen here in her youth.

Want to see a summarized GIF of the creation process from sketch to finish? Then quit reading and use your mouse parts to CLICK HERE NOW 1,000,000th VISITOR CONGRATULATIONS, and check back later today for a SECOND POST (ITS THE END TIMES).

With Love,
Cow.

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Moldy Cache

anger

I approach every day the way I approach a bowl of Lucky Charms: Eat a few spoonfuls and then throw the rest on the floor when you remember it’s sugar coated garbage.

No no… I’m not quite that bitter yet. Let me start over.

I haven’t felt as open as I used to be. Not as willing to let others write in my metaphorical book, if you will.  Sometimes you’re just too broken to feel open minded. I won’t apologize for that.

It’s so easy to become bitter when every item, every song has a long red Crime Noir thread tied to old pains. It’s so easy to become paralyzed, trapped in the web.

But It’s just thread, a series of twisted, inaccurate, convoluted ghosts; and I am God. At least insomuch as this is my mind, and my life.

I just have to stand up and remember that the red strings don’t hold my hand back when I draw. They don’t hold my feet back when I’m pushing my skateboard. They don’t block the wind when I run. What strength do they have that I don’t give them, after all.

I’ve realized that I could spend a lifetime running around trying to cut these strings, trying to run from the hurt.

But I can’t, any more that I can stem the tides.

So I won’t.

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Placebo Rocketship Express

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It’s going to be a little hard to type this, I fractured two of my fingers in a high speed skateboarding accident involving myself (henceforth referred to as the plaintiff) and the ground (henceforth referred to as the defendant) of which you can view the aftermath here. Not to worry, I can still draw. Pending evidence I could draw prior to the accident of course.

The defendant is expected to have a swift recovery from his or her injuries as well.  I digress.

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I never was a magical thinker. Never believed in the paranormal. I think that always gave everyone the impression that I was a little bit pessimistic. After all the realities of life are a large and unbearably painful fire to stand next to, one that we all have to back away from sometimes. Maybe it’s TV, games, drugs, prescriptions, sugar, attention, consumption, adrenaline, or just old fashioned debauchery and religion. The great unmet dark that we all must fill and carry appears universal, as does our need to escape it. Having recently gone through another difficult breakup, I feel its sharp and familiar pull, but I find comfort in knowing it’s a widely shared pain.

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It makes me wonder sometimes if we just weren’t meant to handle all this. What if our stone age bodies are collapsing under the speed and information of it all. What in my evolution–after all–could have prepared me to even begin to grasp all the pain we now know people to be suffering every moment, every where, every day. It’s too easy to lose yourself in the sorrows.

But, I digress again.

The fact is you don’t have to believe in magic to believe in the human spirit. The placebo effect isn’t magic after all. We know to some degree of certainty that if we believe something strongly enough we can alter our very reality for the better.

That’s why I always thought that If you simply refuse to kneel to the pressures. If you just decide that there is a next chapter, if you just know that you won’t stop. Then you sit in the fires of life, but you notice they don’t burn so much. And, if you’re lucky, you might even feel warm.

What else can you do.

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Illustration note: I can provide government certified documents validating that I am in fact of legal adult age for a United States citizen.

 

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Death of a Snailsman

idahomarked

Every day you have to wake up and find your own screwed up way to make peace with the world.

Sometimes night comes fast though, and there’s nothing in sight.

So look around, gather what you can from life,

And make a screwed up peace with yourself.

Illustration notes: Personal project, 2 days to complete, Adobe Illustrator

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Portrait Self

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This illustration sucks. It’s sloppy, lazy, and convoluted.

So,

I’ve captured the human brain perfectly then.

Illustration notes: “Mind” Part 4 in the Organ series. 

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Eso pha gus

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Some nights I want to disappear, but my body won’t let me.

I’m a physical object, and not a picky one. Always harvesting energy.

A leaf.

A mineral.

The flesh of a living creature.

I’ve made choices in life, good and bad. It hasn’t.

The machine simply continues.

Illustration notes: “Stomach” Part 3 in the organ series. I’ve actually had to make two of each illustration in this series because of Adobe Illustrator issues resulting in lost work. Each illustration seems to be becoming less abstract unintentionally.

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Tracheal

lungssymbolpsd

There’s a time to think about what you want, when you’re at a fork in the road.

A time to think about what others want, when you’re needed.

A time to think about how much other people want to be you–and to be with you–when you’re feeling down.

A time to feel empathy for the needs of other human beings.

People who need new things,

People who want new things,

Their own toothbrush,

A new passion,

More time…

 

In the end though, it’s okay to be selfish.. sometimes.

Otherwise you’d drown.

Illustration note: Pt. 2 in body symbology: “Lungs”

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Murmur

heartsymbologypsd

Well I met with the cardiologist and I guess I’m just a healthy growing boy with a large set of insignificant unexplained heart anomalies that are guaranteed to kill me at any moment.

Okay okay maybe I won’t die, but it’s a good time to reflect on the awesome complexity and fragile nature of the human body.

As a kid you play Mechwarrior, and dream about having your very own super robot. Then you grow up and realize you’ve had a super robot all along.

Just to have an operating human body, even a rough one, is an unimaginable gift. Certainly a more luxurious toy than even the rarest exotic car.

Every day when I wake up I’m the pilot.

Illustration note: The illustration above is my second metaphor of the heart. The first one was lost forever to a crashed laptop. 

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Buzzkill Lightyear

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Maybe I talk too much.

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Nah, who cares.

blog2bird

They were wrong about me being a negative person anyways.

blog4perfect

I was just curious, that’s all.

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The curious and the morbid were always close friends, right?

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And I do have friends.

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The Theriac

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There’s always something else to wait for in life, if you feel like waiting.

They can be a long ways away, or right in front of you.

You can wait impatiently in line to get there, honk at people that aren’t moving.

You can check the time, or the date, and wonder if you’ll make it.

Needless to say,

You’ll arrive,

just in time,

To wait for the next thing.

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Carpet

goodtimesfixed

My heart is broken, in the most literal sense. A recent doctor visit revealed that I have extra thick heart muscles on my lower left. Nobody seemed to know what that meant, so they set me up with a cardiologist, told me to return my Daily Burn: Extreme Core Heart Blaster DVD, and sent me on my way.

On the bright side I’m otherwise extremely healthy! Pending my sudden and dramatically acted death of course. I think dying from a broken heart is a pretty Greek god sort of way to go out though don’t you?

Hope you enjoyed the illustration. Feel free to share your own interpretation. I’ve heard a few.

 

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Postcards

getlost

I’ve been more lost than a Malaysia flight lately. Where on Earth have I been? Somewhere around here I suppose. Has it been long enough for me to come back to life yet? Probably. Has anybody missed me? Maybe. Is this illustration inappropriate? Definitely.

Not quite sure where to go from here. Safe to say it will start with a shave and a button up shirt like it always does. Can you still buy Avocados? I’d like to have an Avocado.

Be right back.

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Under, Way

shipwreckTAGGED2

Just a quiet Saturday Illustration for you guys. May you find safe harbor from the monsters that await you on your journey through life.

Cool runnings.

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