Tag Archives: life

Reclamation

I think about how it could have been me who jumped off that cliff.

Our lives were so similar.

Why did he jump when I didn’t.

I can’t ask now.

But I can keep riding for both of us.

And when people tell me to stop.

I’ll just imagine that it was me at the bottom of that cliff.

That it’s you here.

That I’m the dead one.

And the dead don’t care.

 

That is how I will reclaim your life,

And how I will reclaim my life.

 

 

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Have It

You want it? You can have it.

Are you sure you can carry it?

I’ll help you if I can.

I’m not trying to trick you.

 

I can be wrong.

I don’t need to win an argument.

People don’t really need to talk so much.

Just as well to bark.

 

You think people into what they are to you anyways.

If you hang around someone who thinks you’re a loser long enough–and you care about them–then you are a loser.

 

So leave.

Let them have it.

They’re right.

You’re right.

 

I’m going to go be wrong somewhere far, far away from here.

And I’ll be wrong and alright.

 

 

 

We’ll all be alright.

Or at least we’ll be alright with not being alright.

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Ossify

shieldsI’m not saying I’m the best. I’m not even saying I’m better. I’m just saying with absolute, unbreakable certainty that I am good enough.

That’s a shield that will never break.

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New! Free Badvice

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Don’t have $413.99 plus tax an hour to spend on a licensed professional counselor? Super Nervous Cow is now offering free personal and professional advice online here! (It’s a link)

Could a well founded, sourced, and educated argument be made that you shouldn’t take advice from me? Yes.
What are my qualifications for advising you, academic or otherwise? Nope.
Will you take advice from me anyways? That’s between you and your psychiatrist or therapist.

It goes without saying that I cannot be held responsible for what you do with the advice you are presented. Some advice may be given in the form of poorly drawn pictures, I also cannot be held responsible for how you interpret those pictures. Keep in mind that If my advice in some sick miraculous irony leads to your success in life, you are required by law to send me an emotionless and pragmatic thank you note with your printed signature.

Image note: it’s animated and doesn’t work in some mobile situations. No pictures in motion for all people in motion. Sorry!

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Moldy Cache

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I approach every day the way I approach a bowl of Lucky Charms: Eat a few spoonfuls and then throw the rest on the floor when you remember it’s sugar coated garbage.

No no… I’m not quite that bitter yet. Let me start over.

I haven’t felt as open as I used to be. Not as willing to let others write in my metaphorical book, if you will.  Sometimes you’re just too broken to feel open minded. I won’t apologize for that.

It’s so easy to become bitter when every item, every song has a long red Crime Noir thread tied to old pains. It’s so easy to become paralyzed, trapped in the web.

But It’s just thread, a series of twisted, inaccurate, convoluted ghosts; and I am God. At least insomuch as this is my mind, and my life.

I just have to stand up and remember that the red strings don’t hold my hand back when I draw. They don’t hold my feet back when I’m pushing my skateboard. They don’t block the wind when I run. What strength do they have that I don’t give them, after all.

I’ve realized that I could spend a lifetime running around trying to cut these strings, trying to run from the hurt.

But I can’t, any more that I can stem the tides.

So I won’t.

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A Prestigious Award

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I want to thank everyone who helped me get here! Myself, a fish, a sandwich. Too many to name them all. I have to stop before I cry. Thank you thank you.

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Faux Box

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I think I could avoid a lot of problems in my life by not thinking so much. Sometimes a set of shapes is just a set of shapes. Not too few, not too many, not the wrong ones, not the wrong color. Just some shapes, just whatever’s happening. A new set of chaos to which I’ll apply my own meaning.

The control in life will ultimately fall on me, to see what I want to see, to make what I want. I could see the wrongs, I could try to paint over it, or build new shapes. The moment comes though when it’s best to just stand there, to just see something.

I’m grateful though. In the span of all this useless thinking I never thought of a good reason to quit. I mean, when would I have the time?

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Am I a dumb? A mental expropriation.

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Everyone agrees on two things: that a majority of people are stupid, and that they are not one of them. We can as such deduce that a common factor shared among all stupid people is a sincere belief that they are not stupid. I can say I’m smart, but that’s exactly what a stupid person would say. Therefore the only way to prove objectively that I am smart is to believe I am stupid, which is the one thing a stupid person would never do. Unfortunately reaching this conclusion makes me feel smart, which reintroduces the possibility that I may be stupid. I realize now that my only choice it to believe that I may or may not be stupid, and I don’t feel any way about that.

 

Solved, next question.

 

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Income Report

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My dad taught me how to stand up alone. My mom taught me how to love anybody. My oldest friend taught me how to stop and help when other people won’t. My sisters taught me how to forgive. My dogs taught me how to laugh at my own jokes. People along the way taught me how to change. And I taught myself that I can be invincible.

 
Rich and getting richer…

 

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We are so weird.

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First, the above illustration isn’t a dig at my parents, grandparents, or even family tree. Most of what I love about myself I get from my family (also probably why I’m crazy). I’ve always been disillusioned with patriotism and tradition though. I like objectivity. Why do anything just because it’s the way that it’s been done? I like change. I want to change always.

Now, America as examined by an alien:

Notes on planet X334:

1. Humans use expensive cut up rocks to pledge love to one another. Most don’t even contain color.

2. Humans made everything faster, yet work more than they used to in some masochistic cycle of death.

3. Humans who move at only 30 times the speed of walking greatly anger the humans moving at 31 times the speed of walking.

4. Humans spend time hiding things in boxes that are then immediately torn open by other humans.

5. They prefer humans who are smaller horizontally, but not vertically.

6. Humans all clear their heads and stare at a large striped cloth to music periodically.

7. Some humans express a moment of silence at dinner, possibly in reverence for all the animal death, plant death, and human slave labor that provided the meal. Most of which will be thrown away.

8. Many humans killing each other for pieces of paper with historical figures printed on them. When these prints aren’t available reading the wrong book will suffice.

9. The ones with colorful striped nooses around their neck seem to receive more respect.

10. They filter water many, many times before defecating in it.

Further observation pending.

 

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What I think I might sort of maybe kind of possibly know about life at 25, a compendium of guilelessness:

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Okay here we go:

1. Everyone is just an old kid playing make believe. Especially those kids in suits with briefcases. Their new tree house just has an elevator. Buy a kite, one of the really stupid superhero themed ones.

2. Everything worth loving in life you carry in your mind, if love is inside of you then love is everywhere you go. You can’t possibly lose. Attacking yourself is the greatest war crime.

3. Your retirement fund can’t buy you the last 40 years of your life back. Spend more time at the park doing really stupid stuff. Ducks are cool. Your parents disappointment just means they love you anyways.

4. Someone on their death bed was granted the wish of living as you for today. Every day. They usually wish you’d dance more even though they know it’s cheesy to ask.

5. Never fear death, if you’re dead you can’t have regrets, like “Man I shouldn’t have put that fork in the toaster.”

6. Happiness is acceleration. You can only feel it when it’s increasing or decreasing, but neither can last forever. You’d fly off the planet.

7. Music will do more for you than religion ever will. Fill your house and brain with it. Don’t take life advice from anyone who doesn’t.

8. Quit being in a hurry to reach some goal or destination, life is only ever this exact instant that you’re in, and nothing else, ever. EVER. The past literally does not exist, neither does the future.

9. Everything you’ve ever thought can be completely wrong, including existential lists you posted to WordPress.

10. Always say exactly how you really feel. Rejection is better than fear. You can always go it alone.

11. Your stupid cave man body is going to want to think stupid cave man thoughts. This war of logic vs. impulse will last forever. Try to roll with it rather than taking it head on.

12. If you ever start to lose perspective, go outside and stare at the moon until you feel better.

13. Watch lots of documentaries, read lots of books, or don’t who cares? Birds are weird.

14. Life is also weird.

15. You’re definitely forgetting something.

If you need me call me. I”ll be hanging out with this stupid whale.

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Personal Pizza

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Isn’t it crazy that you can sit here and think words. I mean you’re sitting here, and you have a trillion individual dumb cells that work together to provide you with your own personal universe. In this universe you can think things, and then store those things in permanent memory. You can process simulation scenarios to predict outcomes of situations, and place yourself in the shoes of another universe to gather understanding. In our universe different things have meaning, different things are beautiful, different things are sad.

 
When you die this absolutely unique universe dies with you. Nobody, no matter how well they know you, will ever be able to truly stand inside of it.

 

Feels good.

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Questionable Confidence

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Sometimes in life you come across the question “How would you rate your self confidence?”. When I see that question I usually want to select “Extremely confident” and “Not at all confident” simultaneously. I think it could best be summed up with the following sentence: “I’m the best, right?”.

The key word there is the “right?’ at the end. Because I’m a supremely confident–almost arrogant–person, but only if other people approve of that analysis, right?

It’s what happens when you go through life loving yourself while simultaneously assuming that everybody else hates you, and you really don’t need it. That I am extremely confident about.

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