Tag Archives: love

Hurts

When you start some nonsensical personal blog you never think about how it could hurt someone you used to love–or still do.

It can make it hard to speak, to draw.

When hurting them hurts you.

That’s never what I wanted.

I just want to keep creating anything until I find some way forward.

To keep running into the fog until I hit something.

To dive into the deep end of a cold pool and go numb.

That’s all.

And I know I have to keep going, or maybe I just want to.

But I hope they’re okay.

 

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Waking Up

hey750

I’m sorry, I know I’m not making enough money to keep the wolves fed. I know my finances are kind of a mess, I feel bad about that. Just understand that I had–have no choice. I have to wake up every day and do what I love, I just don’t see any way around that. I can never forget that I only have one life, and that I can’t waste it. It’s something inside me that I can’t ignore.

Don’t worry, the money will come. I’ve been preparing this stage for a while now. I just had to make sure I got it right. I can’t end up like Robin Williams, hung out in a mansion. I had to keep following that voice, no matter what, in spite of everything. I had to do what I knew would make me happy, no matter how ignorantly idealistic.

But the tickets are on sale for the show now. Spotlights are beaming into the low fog. I’m ready to show the world what I can do. Ready to leave their doubts behind me.

You know, in High School, there was this kid I hated more than anyone. I remember suppressing the urge to throw a punch once or twice. It kept me up at night.

But for the life of me.. I can’t remember his face.

So I wonder,

What was all the hate for…

So don’t ask me if I’m doing okay.

Ask me if I’m looking forward to waking up tomorrow.

The answer is yes.

Love,
Cow

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Come and Gone

showmelove

I probably hold the record in something. Fastest Skateboard time down the hill at mom’s house. Best rendition of Landslide performed in my shower. Best impression of Carl Sagan in the family. Some medals don’t weigh around your neck. Some lift you up.

Premanipulated Photo Credit: Found by Rancho Mantequilla

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Moldy Cache

anger

I approach every day the way I approach a bowl of Lucky Charms: Eat a few spoonfuls and then throw the rest on the floor when you remember it’s sugar coated garbage.

No no… I’m not quite that bitter yet. Let me start over.

I haven’t felt as open as I used to be. Not as willing to let others write in my metaphorical book, if you will.  Sometimes you’re just too broken to feel open minded. I won’t apologize for that.

It’s so easy to become bitter when every item, every song has a long red Crime Noir thread tied to old pains. It’s so easy to become paralyzed, trapped in the web.

But It’s just thread, a series of twisted, inaccurate, convoluted ghosts; and I am God. At least insomuch as this is my mind, and my life.

I just have to stand up and remember that the red strings don’t hold my hand back when I draw. They don’t hold my feet back when I’m pushing my skateboard. They don’t block the wind when I run. What strength do they have that I don’t give them, after all.

I’ve realized that I could spend a lifetime running around trying to cut these strings, trying to run from the hurt.

But I can’t, any more that I can stem the tides.

So I won’t.

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In Which I Issue A Redaction

I must apologize for a previous post in which I commented on the moral character of those who enjoy everything bagels. As it turns out, my girlfriend rather adores these crispy golden brown rejects.

Not to worry though, I made her this, that we may find peace between our great bagel kingdoms.

everything

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Questionable Confidence

octocurity

Sometimes in life you come across the question “How would you rate your self confidence?”. When I see that question I usually want to select “Extremely confident” and “Not at all confident” simultaneously. I think it could best be summed up with the following sentence: “I’m the best, right?”.

The key word there is the “right?’ at the end. Because I’m a supremely confident–almost arrogant–person, but only if other people approve of that analysis, right?

It’s what happens when you go through life loving yourself while simultaneously assuming that everybody else hates you, and you really don’t need it. That I am extremely confident about.

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Give Love

Just a message from your friend (me).

givelovewebsite

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Strong Medicine

Exhaustion, anger, anxiety, fear, and sadness. There’s one cure that always works for me.

Take A Walk

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